Why Do I Do This Again?

Sometimes I think I should stop reading for myself in any way that talks about what’s coming up for me. It’s my custom to do a certain “what’s ahead for this coming month” reading, and sometimes I wish I hadn’t done it.

How should I react when the cards are giving me the detailed, specific impression that June is going to suck and how it’s going to suck? How does this help me? Won’t it just send me into the month feeling pessimistic and dreading bad stuff?

If I work from the premise that whatever universal, unconscious force guiding my hands when they choose the cards generally has my greatest possible good in mind, then I might try to think the cards are trying to help me by getting me ready and not letting me be blindsided.

The details of this reading clearly call me to be attentive to certain things, not run from certain things…but there’s still the feeling that this won’t make it an easy or happy month, it’ll just let me get through it with minimum “making it worse.”

Can I accept this reading with an open heart?

March Mascot

The Queen of Cups will be hanging out with me this month. She’s going to help me with her power to transform love into action. She’s going to infuse each of my actions, no matter how trivial, with meaning and purpose. She’s going to help me remember that even the responsibilities I resent are taken on as a result of choices made out of love.

I like to do a reading for myself at the beginning of every month, and boy, was last week’s March reading a doozy. I’m not going to go through the individual cards, but let’s just say I may face very strong challenges to my sense of commitment and authenticity. It will be hard for me to stay committed to the things that matter to me, yet it is vital that I do.

Enter the Queen of Cups, who fell into a “do this” spot in the reading. It felt to me as if the negative parts of the reading were telling me what I’ll fall to if I fail to use what the Queen of Cups can give me. She’s my guide for March. It may seem silly, but I went through old decks I don’t use and found the QofC in several. I taped one to my nightstand, one to my refrigerator, and one to my desk.

Help From Strange Sources

I like using spreads. I especially enjoy the challenge that can be presented when what seems like a totally inappropriate card shows up in a certain spot, and I have to find a way to see it in a useful context.

Today’s example: In a spread for myself, there was a position of “What will help me the most with this challenge?” A good place for a nice, positive, nurturing card, right? What I got was the Ace of Cups reversed and the Ten of Wands. Okay….so being cut off from my source of love and joy, being overworked, and being at the end of my endurance are what I need to meet my challenges? How could that be?

Well, when I get a “negative” card in a spread position that has to do with something needed, the main way I see it is “What you need is to look at me, be aware of me, honestly acknowledge my presence in you!”

Look at the Ace of Cups reversed? I have to look at what’s standing between me and my connection to this all-important gift (including, and this is the hard part, what self-destructive behaviors or thought patterns may be involved). Look at the Ten of Wands? I have to look at where I’m overwhelmed and overworked (including whatever I might be doing to take on things that aren’t mine, or refusing opportunities for rest and help).

So, my two “help” cards didn’t give me a cuddly figure to look up to or rely on for advice. They called me to account for the ways I’m contributing to my distress, and challenged me to be honest in seeing it–and, in seeing the truth, be able to change.

Overturning the Chariot

Recently, the Chariot came up reversed in a reading I was doing for a client. I explained to them that the Chariot upright is often about self-will, self-direction, taking control of one’s life, etc. This might make someone think that the reversal is a negative experience…being out of control, having no power, or being stuck in a situation.

Well, it can be like that…but it often isn’t. For me, the Chariot upright, while a great card, has a dark side. And that dark side is hubris…arrogance, pride, a belief that one is more powerful than one really is.

And if you’re aware of the Chariot’s dark side, you can see the positive aspect of the reversed form: humility. One of the things we need the most for a fulfilling life. This makes the reversed Chariot a powerful card, and I try to help clients see its usefulness when this interpretation feels right to me.

What’s so great about humility? Many people think of humility, or being humble, in a negative way…being defeated or humiliated. But it’s not that at all. To have humility is to be “right-sized” in our own mind–to be no more, and no less, than we are, and to present ourselves to the world in this way.

Upending the Chariot helps us realize what we can control and what we can’t. It lets us focus our attention on places where we can do some good instead of wearing ourselves out trying to change the unchangeable.

So, as I talked with my client about all this in the context of their life and the other cards in the reading, I reminded myself that I don’t need the beautiful Chariot or its swift, powerful pullers all the time. Sometimes I just need to be a human, walking.

Uh-Oh…

I always make sure my clients know I’m not the kind of Tarot reader who claims to be able to predict the future. My readings aren’t about trying to prove that I know something about them that I couldn’t have learned any other way. In fact, since I view the cards as a tool for psychological insight, I encourage clients to share anything they care to about whether the cards resonate with them, and why. If they want to share data about their real-world situation at any point during the reading, we can use that to get more specific and detailed about the cards and their potential relationship to what the client wants to know.

But, even with all that, I must confess my heart sinks a little when a client looks at the first couple of cards I’ve described in a reading, wrinkles their brow, and says it doesn’t resonate with them at all. Because I’m human, and subject to insecurity, and afraid that this person’s going to go away feeling they wasted their money and time.

The most important thing for me, the few times it’s happened, is not to get defensive. Don’t try to change the client’s mind about it. Instead, I go on to the other cards in the reading, trusting that it will come together in the end. Something, some new interpretation, will appear in the context of the other cards or the reading as a whole and cause the seemingly irrelevant cards to make sense to me and to my client. It always seems to happen, or at least it has so far. It may be strange to a client to see me say “Oh! That’s it!” and give a different take on things as the reading progresses. But that’s what works for me.

Do I Really Want to Know?

When I do a reading for myself, and I’m interpreting what I got, sometimes I realize I’m trying to “twist” the meanings to align more closely with what I want to be true. For example, I did a reading for the upcoming year and got the 7 of Pentacles reversed for the question “What will be the hardest part?”

The 7 of Pentacles reversed is a card I associate with frustration, feeling stuck, or being dissatisfied with the results of one’s time and effort. I immediately thought about the publishing projects I’m working on. “Oh, no,” went my brain,”does this mean my results will be even more minuscule than I’m already prepared for? Will there be delays? Mistakes?”

Then my rationalizing brain kicked in. “Well, the reading didn’t say how much of this you’d experience. Maybe it’s not much. Besides, you got the 8 of Wands as a general theme, so surely that means things will progress and not be stuck…”

You get the idea. Sometimes I think I hear the cards saying: Well, if you already decided what answers you’re willing to accept, then why did you ask us?

How do I deal with this when it happens? Well, sometimes I just have to keep ruminating on the card I don’t like. Maybe meditate about it. But another thing that can help is to consult a different reader for their perspective. I did this, and it turned out that she sees my reversed 7 as being about my impatience…things may be stuck or delayed or having a low return, but it will be my impatience that is making it seem larger than it is.

Getting that input doesn’t solve everything–after all, my unconscious knows how I tend to interpret different cards, therefore my interpretation matters. But it does jibe with what I already knew. And it aligns with a belief I have about the cards: in general, their message is meant to help me. And if I stay open to it rather than trying to twist it around, there will always be a way to see it in that perspective.

Three Gifts

I have a huge feeling of responsibility when I read for someone who has no experience with Tarot. I want it to be a good experience; I want them to take something valuable away. I’m aware that my style of reading may not be what they expect from portrayals of Tarot in the media.

A week ago, I got to do readings for three different women in a single evening. Two of them had never had a reading before. It was amazing! The clients were related, spanning three generations, and they decided to have the readings in each other’s presence. It was fun to watch the observers’ reactions as well as the client’s when I talked about the cards.

We had plenty of time, so I did a full Celtic Cross for each one. I made sure to ask them about their impressions and create opportunities for them to ask questions of their own. The level of engagement was everything I could have hoped for.

Will these ladies seek more readings? No one knows. But I hope, at the very least, I gave them a positive introduction. First impressions are important, especially in something so personal. I think it’s a good idea to know about a client’s past experiences with Tarot, good, bad, or nonexistent, in order to choose the best approach.

Here Goes…

At last, I’ve brought this website online. I’m very excited at the chance to share Tarot with more people. I hope visitors will check out the pages to get a feel for me, my Tarot philosophy, and whether my services might interest them. I plan to post blog entries on this home page to talk about what’s up with my Tarot work; there will also be links to my YouTube videos once they get going. Starting a venture today involves so many things and part of me wants to wait until they’re ALL done before making this site available, but I’m getting inquiries and it will be good for people to have some info they can access. So bear with me as things grow, please. Let’s explore the infinite and complex world of Tarot together.